Abusive Parenting

By Shaik Badini

There can be nothing worse than an abusive environment for children that is these days unwillingly and inevitably created by parents themselves. It is so sad to know that the parents that complain of their children for misbehaving with others, misbehave themselves all the time with the people in their domestic and social life and expect their children to be well-mannered and disciplined. It is a very big issue but unfortunately most writers tend to be writing on political and national problems more interestingly and seriously than on severe and sensitive issues like this.

It is known that when a man goes for a job interview, he is asked to showcase all his qualification and academic degrees earned throughout his life whereas when it comes to building a serious and long lasting relationship people only tend to focus on social status, respect and the amount of money that a person earns. It should be made clear that most marriages are successful not because they were once built on the basis of social status and property owned rather the success of those relationships is the condition of both life partners being truly educated and mature enough to be able to nourish their children well.

The problem is that most people are forced to marry when they are mentally not prepared for that. Another huge number of people are asked to marry when they do not really know what a marriage is meant for while the third category marries having all the understanding but resultantly appears as abusive to his wife and children. In this case, if the wife of that kind of person is dormant and highly compromising then the person carries on through his life that treatment. In case, if any one resists, he is too victimized no matter even if that person is his only son. It may look very new to some people but I think it is now-a-days part of 90 families out of a hundred in Pakistan.

There is a thorough review and research required to evidently write on this prevailing situation in our society. Because sometimes the persons who apparently look so educated and tolerant prove to be the most destructive, intolerant and abusive at home. It might be because no one dares to knock the door of court for justice. Some tolerate and few do disunion.

The ones most affected by are the children of such parents. It is true that even good parents expect a lot more from their children than the children appear to be things in return. Expectations are good unless they turn out to be castigating and torturing. Great output comes from great input. Parents should understand that whatever they do in their lives, their children would eventually start doing things like them whether be something good or bad.

I heard an Indian actor in an interview saying, “I am try to eat vegetables because I want my son to see this and eat vegetables too because he is getting thin day by day due non veg diet only.”  I think Pakistan is the only country where people marry and leave children to their own. Such children unless breathing, are probably fine. Very few parents care that what their children are mentally and physically going through.

It probably never happens that budget for a specific project is far less than the demand of work for a project. Parents from poor backgrounds when give education to their children, start expecting a lot in return like to expect their son gets a job soon after a degree or pass tests and interviews at once. In case a person fails to meet the expectations, parents begin building opinion on not to educate children or spend on money thinking that it is of no use or the already educated children are criticized to mental retardation for their failures although it is true that no success is possible without any failure.

One can only come to any thoughtful solution if he/she is taught the true values of living. Social awareness can play a pivotal role in this. Govt. should make sure that there are some laws and punishment for the abusive persons whether be parents of children because we live in a society where we are told many stories of children misbehaving and mistreating and those of parents are not spoken out, never.

Shaik Badini is a motivational speaker and educationist from Balochistan

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